Wistful Autumn
by bell.esque
Summary: You're too late you know, she murmurs silently, Too late to save anyone. I know, he finally says, as if any loud noise will break her, will make this world shatter right before him. But that can't happen anymore...it already has.


_For __tennisxdork__, Kawaii IceCream__, and __Darkened Immortal__ for reading this beforehand and being die-hard SasuSaku fans. Kinda. _:3

* * *

_i._

Her thin fingers played with a strand of his chin-length hair, twirling it around her index as he copied the movement, only using her hair instead. Her pale hand reached up to meet his face, trailing from his forehead and down the side to his well-shaped chin.

She parted her pale pink lips slightly, drawing out a sigh, her warm breath showing in the cold autumn air, causing him to relax as her breath caressed his mouth, for she could only stand at this height.

She ignored when he reached his white hand out to wrap his firm fingers around her delicate hand, pulling it down to his lips, brushing them lightly over their tips. Her dull eyes stared back, only brightened by the slight moonlight showing through the clouds, questioning, serene, unmoving, as it searched for his dark eyes, his sinfully, dark eyes. His eyelids were lowered, not closed, just lowered, letting his long, black lashes contrast with his porcelain skin.

Her mouth finally decides to move, as she gives a slow, long blink. "What are you doing here?" she whispers, unsure to why he stands before her, clad in black, with only a gray and silver scarf around his neck to keep him warm.

He doesn't say anything – not a whisper, not a grunt, not a single sound. He just keeps his lashes lowered, his gaze seemingly on her hand and his lips.

"You're too late you know," she murmurs silently against their hands, against his lips, "Too late to save anyone."

There is a long pause, and a crumpled leaf is carried into her light locks, tangling and sticking, staying where it is, making a nest on the top of her head. He can't help but notice, his eyes flickering open and giving the brown-orange leaf a glance.

"I know," he finally says softly, as if any loud noise will break her, will break everyone, will make this world shatter right before him.

But that can't happen anymore.

It already has.

But he's so scared, so afraid that he'll let the only living thing crumble to dust. The only person that he knows, that's still breathing, still living, still smelling the metallic smell of blood every morning when he is awakened to mindlessly kill.

He knows that he can't do anything anymore. He knows he's been gone too long. He knows he's caused her pain.

He knows that he can't fix anything. It wasn't like when they were twelve, when a little mess up could get him killed.

One mess up and the village is slaughtered. One mistake and everyone dies.

One leak in the security, and _she_—

—dies.

"Do you?" she says, snapping him out of his thoughts, "Do you really?"

One question seems to have so many meanings. So many questions inside those questions.

He hated mysteries. Since he was little. Since he had to figure everything out _all on his own._

"I know," he repeated again, letting one drop of the rain fall on them. Her hair became soaked quickly, as the downpour continued, adding a continuous sound to their ears, washing the horrible stench of blood away, mixing it with the brown soil. The rain came down in small droplets, small yet surprisingly strong.

"I know _everything_."

She smiles, a crooked, broken smile and he realizes—

—_it's not the innocent, sweet one he used to see anymore._

"Yes," she says in a crisp voice, "Yes, you _did_ always know everything, didn't you?"

But she's talking to herself, blaming herself, blaming herself for something she never did.

_For something she couldn't stop. _

Her hand becomes limp in his, as if she read his mind. "I tried, Sasuke," she said, blinking once again, staring over his shoulder, "I tried. I couldn't. I waited. I hoped. But in the end..."

"They're all dead," he hissed, dropping her hand to the ground, "Don't blame this on yourself, you can't do—"

"—anything. I can't do anything. I _couldn't_ do anything," she finished, curt and quick—

—like how she let go, of the people she loved, of the people she cared about, of the people _that loved her._

Her arms hung loosely next to her body, wrapped in a black sweater and a white skirt. She stared down, blinking as a raindrop rolled into her eye. He lifted one finger and touched her eyelash, just as the drop was falling down. He watched that particular drop merged with a few more, until it finally fell to the floor.

_Just like Konoha._

He stared at the bleakness of the environment – at the ten, at most, trees he could see, leaves falling, some burned to crisps.

"When did it change?" he asked more to himself than anyone.

"Come home with me," she said quietly, but not in an embarrassed manner, "And I'll tell you." He let her take his hand in her small palm, only brushing his slightly, and she lead him to the building. He didn't protest. He didn't say he wouldn't go. He didn't say anything. He just let her take him.

_Then you'll really know everything._

* * *

_ii._

She set down a warm cup of tea in front of him, before sitting down with her own cup. Her hands wrap around the china very tightly, wanting to get all the heat out of the tea. He politely sipped the tea, giving a small nod of gratitude.

"Mmm...tea, how do you manage to still have?" he asks. She smiles once again (but sometimes, he wishes she _wouldn't_).

"Naruto...brought it back last time," she said slowly. She laughed darkly, bitterly, "The _Tea Country_, Sasuke. Remember that?"

"Somewhat," he mumbles, trying to ignore how, _broken_ she sounded, "...What happened while I was at ninth base, Sakura?"

Her breath hitches slightly, something he takes note of. Her body tenses and her knuckles become white. "What happened where?"

"Here," he answers, "Here, in Konoha."

Her face pales and her eyes darken. She puts the tea cup down and closes her eyes, forcing herself not to cry. Because she can't cry. She can't cry.

_She can't cry._

"He..._he_ died," she whispered quickly in a hoarse voice, "In front of me, Sasuke. _Right in front of me_...Please, don't make me remember...don't make me tell it _all_. So much blood, a flash, some laughter, can' t remember, no, no, no, leave me _alone_. Don't you dare use those eyes—"

"I won't," he says, stopping her rambling for a moment, "I won't."

She notices he has become softer, more fluffy, like a cotton candy ball. He used to be cold, hard, sharp, _piercing_. He's different, he's changed, yet she wonders why he isn't so _bitter_. She wishes he could break more, more than her, so she could make him feel better, not—

—no that was selfish. She didn't wish that. How could she wish that?

Was she really this cruel now? This selfish?

"This is what war does to you," he says, staring out the window to hear a piercing scream. The sky becomes slightly lighter, and he shakes his head, the droplets that still haven't left his hair falling. The clouds become grayer, more rain dribbling down onto the cold pavement below, "It kills you, slowly, if you survive. It's the slowest dea—"

"It is not," she interrupts, their tea forgotten, "War...it is not the slowest form of death. You know what is?" He stares blankly at her, silently telling her to continue, "_Love_. That's just suicide. _Slow_ suicide."

He turns back to the window, staring at the thin lines that almost, _almost_ escape his view. "I don't agree," he replies, "After all, Naruto is—"

"No," she hissed at him, "Don't talk about him like that."

Instead of raising an eyebrow and sneering like he would a few years ago, he stayed silent and nodded. "Yes, I shouldn't speak of him like that," he says calmly. She sighs again.

"When are you leaving again?" she asks after a moment of silence. He paused, his lips in a stern, straight line. He knew she wouldn't like it. No, not at all.

"Tomorrow."

She stayed silent for several minutes. "No," she said, voice raspy and hoarse, "Stay longer. You can't. No, _please_. Do—"

"—leave you alone again," he finished, eyes still looking out the window, chin resting on the top of his wrist. The melancholic atmosphere put the older woman down. She brushed a strand of blowing hair away when she leaned on the windowsill. "Sakura...I have to le—"

"But...can't we just leave this war alone for one day?" she questioned softly, hands fiddling, "Can't we just leave this all behind and stay how we were? Can't we go back to tw—"

"We can't do anything now," Sasuke stated, "You have to stay...at the hospital. I've got to go...to the brigade. I'm _captain_. They're lost without me."

"You're not supposed to be here," she whispered, "I knew it. But why aren't you in your ANBU vest? Or the mask?"

The dark haired man shook his head, "They'd be after me if I wore that thing. Hard not to spot a white cloak at night. If only I wasn't captain." (1)

She sighed, staring outside the window with him, not showing her tears. She can't cry. She won't cry. She shouldn't—

—cry.

"Stay with me tonight."

The words slipped out of her mouth before she could even reconsider, and all he could do was obey.

* * *

_iii._

She woke up, hoping to find her friend next to her, sleeping. Hoping to have him there, in her arms. Hoping that he decided he'd stay a little longer, few more days—

—_forever._

What she found was a cold spot next to her, with only that dreadful gray scarf. The one that brought back so many memories.

The one that took him away from her.

She shuffled to the other side of the bed, picking up a white note he left her.

_Sakura:_

_I'm gone by now. Back in that hell on earth. Would've liked to stay. I regret it._

_But, thank you. And sorry I couldn't be there for you when...well you know, Naruto..._

_Take care,_

_Sasuke_

Her eyes began to water immediately. He left her alone again. With all that blood. With all those patients.

But he cared, she knew he did.

She got back to work later that day, quickly too. She overworked to get him out of her mind. She was a workaholic, nothing else. Not a small little girl that couldn't do anything. A woman that saved lives. A life-saver.

_(But she can only save the unimportant ones.)_

* * *

_iv._

Wiping sweat from her brow, she picked up the phone, hoping that it wasn't another report. The monthly one. That she had to take care of after there was no appointed Hokage.

"Haruno Sakura speaking, report?"

"_Hai, Haruno-san, you must get to the ninth brigade immediately!_"

Wait. That was _his _brigade. _His brigade._

_Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke._

Her head was whirling, her mind spinning.

"What happened?!" she screamed, hysterical to no point, "WHO NEEDS MEDICAL TREATMENT?!"

"..._Haruno-san_..._Uchiha Sasuke has_…_he is deceased. The medic tried, but it was an instant death. We need a captain. There is nobody—_"

She tapped the phone closed. She dropped to her knees.

Screw this war.

This war was nothing.

It only took everyone away.

It brought nobody back.

She didn't deserve this.

_They_ didn't deserve this.

But there was no more revenge to get.

No more to hate for.

She was going to die—

—_she could see the afterlife already._

* * *

(1) ANBU Captains wear white cloaks. Other ANBU members will wear black. 


End file.
